Wednesday, December 22, 2010

goodbyes.

i have been thinking. i have often said how much i hate goodbyes. but i am getting unbearably good at them. every bird must fly away. i am just waiting for the warm weather. i have a sliver in my wing. excuses excuses. i still very much so hate goodbyes. i would much prefer a good hello. less heartbreaking i suppose. so try something with me. i don't know how it will work. but, don't say goodbye. just say be seeing you. like in the notebook. so blogger readers. be seeing you.

happy holidays.

happy holidays blog readers. think about what makes you happy and let that stay in your mind what ever might come your way. life is a crazy party. just love it. now is not the time to let stuff bog you down. keep it light loves. ciao.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

feet.

today bloggers, i am grateful for feet. i stand on them all day long and they take a beating for me so i can do what i need to do. and they give me balance. think about it. imagine if your legs just ended in nubs. bye bye balance. that would be no good. at all. so i am glad i have feet that keep me up and help me stand. i would be so utterly lost without them. thank you feet. and i apologize for not thanking you til now. keep up the good work.

Friday, November 19, 2010

updated.

well if it isn't little ole me. back from the dead. i would like to publicly state that i do actually enjoy blogging but, my time seems to be lacking as of late. i work now. at joann fabric and craft. i know what you are thinking. it is absolutely the perfect job for me. and you are right. my body takes a beating every day from standing up for long hours. but i really don't mind. i don't even seem to notice til after i've made the money for the day. lets see what else. oh yes i costume shows. still. i know what your thinking. what a super senior. well if you haven't noticed i am actually quite good at what i do. and i dont think my drama children have any problem with me jumping back in and making them look beautiful. or rather making them look prisoneresque. i also have found a new love, violet lipstick. i discovered it today and i don't think i will ever be taking it off. well for now you have been updated. live life, love it up, and remember who you are. lu out.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

blog for me beautiful.

i wish everyone had a chance to express themselves as i do. many people blog many long before i even discovered. and we are definitely a growing population. but it a wonderful outlet. a way to speak and be heard anywhere. so blog for me beautiful. just try it. it feels better than facebook. i promise.

Monday, October 18, 2010

september fourteenth.

it was dark for afternoon. the storm clouds closed in on my small, little town. it looked like rain. i loved rain. i stepped outside and the harsh autumn breeze blew my hair back and enveloped me in the cold that accompanied fall. the chill pulsed through my entire body. step. step. stop. another gust of the frigid wind caught me from behind, but this time it was not alone. mist brushed my face. thunder. lighting. the heavens opened up and seemed to cry thundering wet tears full of sadness and despair, hoping to drown the long dehydrated earth with its sorrow. i couldn't see. it was as if i were swimming with my eyes open. the world was distorted, cold, and unfamiliar. all from just a day's rain.

the rain painted the sidewalk the dark gray that i loved, the smell of those sweet drops on the asphalt. intoxicating. the street was flooded by the dark shower. yellow lines acting as a halfway through the vicious street river. my destination taunted me. it was so close, but the vast black expanse separated us. step. step. stop. look both ways. cross. run. crash.

the world stopped. flash. i saw a baby with thick midnight hair smiling at a mother. a small girl playing in the grass, a preteen at her first school dance, a teenager sitting at the piano. she was me. this was my life played in hyper-speed back again.

i was moving upward, looking through glass, everything a blurr. i was moving in slow motion, time wasn't right. down. down. down. glass gone, metal showing. the ground was so hard. screams. rolling. rollnig. scream. car. people. voices, voices. there were so many voices. i cab't hear. i can't see. shaking. my body was shaking. i can't stop. shaking. are you okay? moving, moving. my lips were moving. i can't hear. fine. fine. fine. okay, fine. echo's in my head. blood. there was blood. i tasted it in my mouth. i saw it on my hands. another hand. not mine. i'm up. up. blood. Blood. There is still blood. No pain. Just blood. Shaking, shaking. People. So many people. Go away. Shaking, shaking. Bleeding. Fine. Voices, voices. too many voices. Trying to speak. I can't hear. Go awy. Moving, moving. My feet were moving. I can't feel the ground. Shaking. Shaking. i am still Shaking.

Red. Blue. Flashing bright. Whining sirens. I can't hear. Inside. Warm. no more rain. Wet. Wet. I am Wet. Saking wet. Blood. Blood. Bleeding. Sit. Blue men. Orange box. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. Follow the light. Tests. Tests. So many tests. I hate tests. Blue man speaking i can't hear. Blue man mending. I can't feel. Does this hurt. No. No. Nothing hurts. Bleeding bleeding. Always bleeding my ankle now. Fix it. Fix it. Fix me. Please. Stop. Bleeding stopped. Bandaged hand. Bandaged ankle. Red Stains. No more blood.

You are going to be okay. Okay Okay. Adrenaline Leaving. I can hear. I can see. Ouch. I can feel. Pain pinging. Coming back. My head hursts. Rashes on my arms. My legs. My sides. I llook funny like an alien. Voices. Voices. I can hear. The are talking about me. Lucky girl. Lucky girl. Cut and bruised, just a little scraped up. Breathe i am going to be okay. lucky girl. I am a lucky girl. Breathing. Breathing. Stop. I am going to be okay.


i meant
to write about this on the fifth anniversary. but i got so busy and was just now reminded. this is a memoir. of a freshman girl, small as a fourth grader. this memoir was written for a 12th grade english project. which i got an a on. i know it's long... but if you made it this far down i hope you enjoyed.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

for future reference...

i like tiger lilies. and listening to night. and spontaneous notes or texts. i like letters. the kind written with an actual pen on paper. and i like adreniline rushes. i like being in the woods. and smelling the sweet fall air. and rainy days with puddles and all. i like being suprised. when i don't suspect a suprise is coming. and i really like fridays. i love speaking different languages. and random dancing. and i like silly tv shows and music videos. and i like painted toe nails with little daisies included. i like writing. and teddy bears. and dates. and so much more. but for now that will be the end. just remember that i really like life.

figure it out.

you know what is kinda funny? people caring about how other people live their lives. i mean... it's not your life to live so why are you poking your dirty little nose past other peoples privacy curtains. wow. that sounded harsh. i mean as humans we have feelings and we can care about people. but some people do not like... pushing nudging prodding bugging sniffing urging or poking with long sticks. do you catch my drift? i think every person in this whole world is plenty capable of running their own lives. i think that might be the reason that only one person can be in one body. except in severe cases of skitzo and/or mpd. but seeing as the majority of us are not... i think we can make our own decisions. so figure it out. figure it out. where do you (key word you) want to go with your life. go there and don't wait for someone to hold your hand. you can do it little bird. just try and jump.

Monday, October 11, 2010

dig.

i highly recommend seeing the new karate kid, if you haven't already done so. some important lessons can be learned. like kicking butt isn't always about kicking butt. dig below the surface. it was said that kung fu is not merely fighting. but making peace with your enemies. viewing things glass half full. you following? and so it goes and so it goes. there is more meaning to life if we choose to look for it. to work for it. to want it. to dig for it. pinky swear.

doing.

we as humans are always saying. but what are we really doing? we say one thing and do another. isn't it funny. i think it is really because we like controversy. each and every one of us. don't try to deny it. it's true. lets just be honest here. but why not for a minute lets try to actually stop saying and start doing. words are just words after all. but actions. those can take down words in a second. so go and live your dreams, start doing what it is that makes you happy. just do it. it is honestly that simple. lets all just do it. starting today. ready break.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

little.

i am little.
but that doesn't mean i'm small
i can do a lot
even though i'm not tall.

the best things come in the smallest packages like diamonds and dynamite. just remember that all of you people under five four. we are the best. and just cause we are little doesn't mean we are small. i think my personality is actually quite large. and i know many other that are the same. live life and love it. this message has been brought to you by the letter L and the number 1

laughs & giggles.

laughing always make you feel better. i pinky swear. when ever you feel down. find something to make you laugh. to quote the old cliche, laughter is the best medicine. and it is. don quioxte de la mancha was an man dying of old age. but decided to live and laugh and be the knight he always wished he was. and he died a happy man. lets all be like that. i don't know maybe that's how we can make the world a better place.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

so there's this kid. named bo. and he really makes my life so much more enjoyable. when i feel glum he always seems to brighten my day. so thank you michael bowman bybee. i love you.

living&breathing.

oh hey. my favorite little blog. i have missed you so much. do you want to know what i'm grateful for today? i am greatful for life. i know profound right. well... i am just glad i get to be living. and i don't care that people think i'm stupid and crazy i am just grateful i am breathing. i could be a bummer... but where does that get you in life? honestly? why should being sad and/or angry and/or hater make up life? it should not. because we are breathing and living and loving and dancing and singing. we are so blessed. so stop with the frowns please. life doesn't enjoy a frown. at least try a half hearted smile. that's a start.

Monday, September 13, 2010

let go.

so i write songs. and this is one i wrote today on my lovely guitar. my fingers still hurt. but i love them {see blog post fingers below} any way i don't want to forget it... it is called let go.

you look in the mirror
and what do you see
there's a girl who's
got so much
that she wants to be
but you've silenced yourself
so nobody hears.

i know there is so much
that you want to say
but you're quiet
and you are starting to fade
in the background
cause you think nobody cares

but you're wrong
there are people that want to listen
to your song
so sing.

and you've got to let go
and you've got to show
who you are inside
and you've got to let go
and you've got to
know that you can't hide

and you can't silence yourself
and you've got to break out of your shell
and let go
and let go
and let go
and let go


fin. {that means the end}

for now. i mean i'll let you know when i come up with the rest. but that is all i have for now. i hope you enjoyed.

fingers.

today i am grateful for fingers. cause with out fingers i couldn't play the guitar or the violin or the piano or blog. well i suppose i could blog with my nose but it's not the same. so thank you fingers. i love you. i love that you are calloused on the tips of my left hand from countless hours of string instruments and i love how little you are and how you bend and pick up things when i need you to. and how you let a little jonathan hold on to you when he is sad. and how well you intertwine into bo's fingers. and frankly i am just grateful for you all around. my life would not be the same with out you.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

difference.

hello blogging community... i have been thinking. i know right that can be dangerous. but i have been thinking alot about what i'm doing with my life. and what everyone else in the world is doing with theirs. i know. i am so concerned. so i wrote a song. called try.

i watch the sky
at night sometimes
a shooting star flys by
way up high

this world is so much bigger
than we even know.
but still we sit and watch
the grass grow

we've got to get out
of this rut we've made
we've got to run
when they say walk
and never be afraid.

we've got to try to live
and try to make a dent
try to find
the things in life
that we've been missing
don't try to hide
because this life
will pass you by
just live out loud
just be proud
that you gave it
a try.


well there you go the first half of my song. i don't know if the people of the world understand how much this life has to offer. and quite frankly the majority of everyone just sits and watches the grass grow. figuratively of course. just think about it. are we going through the motions. sitting letting life experience itself without us... or are we out there making a difference. and molding our lives into exactly the lives we want them to be. do you understand that we have control. it's called free agency. if you've ever heard of it. what we do is our choice. and i know that i want to make a difference. and make a dent in this world that is completely my own. my dear friend sarah beara blogged about something similar recently... it's been on my mind alot. what is life if there is no one to witness it. don't wait around for someone to see you. you go and see someone else. and make a difference in this world. because life isn't life, til you've done something with it... just think about it.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

peacocks.

i have a good memory that i like to think about when i am down in the dumps. many of you know how much i love to use bird analogies. well, in mexico there is a private beach. and this beach has peacocks roaming free, allowed to go where they will but they stay to be admired by all beach visitors. i love peacocks. they are beautiful creatures, and remind me that no matter where you are you make it beautiful by just being you. peacocks are my hope. thank you beautiful.

ribs & such.

ribs... they protect your heart. and all your vital organs. to all of you out there have knocked a rib out of place, i know it hurtss but at least you have them protecting your vital organs. this is called seeking the positive. which i'm doing now. :) hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i laugh at how dramatic i was. probably still am in some cases. but i'm growing up. yay for that, i never enjoyed being hater. i actually quite love being in love. and i love thinking that even though my ribs hurt. they are doing a pretty good job of keeping my body together. so thank goodness for that. :) new attitudes. yes.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

little mommy.

Blog it has been too long. but there is excuse this time... i lya santa maria am acting as a little mommy. i help clean the house fold the laundry and take care of the worlds cutest baby brother. i have had a little taste of motherhood. and it is hard. babies need attention 24/7 and they let you know they need it too. it's so hard because you are soooo tired all the time. so i am here to testify that being a mommy is tough work. so... stop what you're doing right now. and go tell your mom thank you for every thing she does for you and that you love her. i promise she'll appreciate it.

agent 72.

you commented on my blog as of recently. and it made me smile and almost want to cry. you are a very good friend. thank you for being there for a crazy mexican. that makes you kinda great.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

peeta.

i love you peeta mellark. i have always been on your side. i am rooting for you all the way. it was always you. it was always you.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

mad world.

i love billy bell. take a look as to why...

Billy&Ademadworld

cafe rio & persian princes

my boy came down today. and together with jfa fartin we went for a fun filled evening, complete with laughing, mexican food and frozen yogurt. Cafe rio hit the spot as always. A new dress from platos closet looks fab. and prince of persian was as stunning as ever and oddly enough makes me want to take belly dancing. life. is. great.

Monday, August 16, 2010

sigh. we are growing apart friend. it makes me sad.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

costumes & drama.

so my drama kids. i just wanted to let you know that though you think you have finally gotten rid of me. you are mistaken. i lya santa maria will be continuing on as the official costumer for timpview high school. isn't that fancy. it's like i'm a proffessional. anyway. loves to you all. i'll be probably measuring your bodies and clothing you soon enough.

resolve.

*sigh* life is good. things are resolved all over the place. i think i'm growing up. not letting old things make me angry and hostile anymore. i want to be the girl people say hey. i knew her. and she changed my life for the better. that's what i'm aiming for anyway.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

misunderstandings suck. i have feelings too and i'm sorry.

Monday, August 2, 2010

favorite word of today...

serendipity.

ser·en·dip·i·ty [ser-uhn-dip-i-tee]
–noun
1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2.
good fortune; luck

a happy accident. mmmm. doesn't that just sound wonderful

colakins & sarabeara

hi guys. we don't hang out so much anymore. i vote you call me. :) i miss you guys more than ariel missed prince eric after her father forbid her from seeing him. that's alot girls. lets get together before the north and the south pull you away from me. thanks a bunch. love you sleepy eight.

nerdy couple.

me+bo=nerdy couple. michael bowman bybee more formally known as bo and i have been together two months yesterday. let me all tell you we are quite the pair. we are hecka nerdy. but it's fun. and i'm hecka glad that he has held on to me this long. thanks babe.

here are some photographic memories of nerdy moments at my sisters wedding. enjoy.


that's my hug face. :) i had an anaconda grip. promise.


sooo handsom. michael bowman everybody.


he was sooo mad i didn't let him in on the funny face memo.


we sang a duet. which is really cute.
because he had never sung in public until this very day!

ode to an optimist.

today was rough. many things happened. that weren't so happymaking. but lucky for me i have an optimistic boyfriend. he's always looking for the good even when i don't want to. like when i really don't want to. he dishes it straight. and i loke him for it (loke: the in between of like and love. clever right. invented by sarah and st. louis. stolen by me. mmmm. good friend) i'm kind of a nerd. i call his phone just to hear his voice on the machine. there is something about some peoples voices that can just be sooo soothing. so thank you michael bowman. even though you weren't here today. you were.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

fly bird fly.

i am a caged bird.
broken wings
i can not fly.

i am stuck.

metal bars
mocking me
i can taste the
outside air
but
the metal bars
laugh

and keep me stuck

i haven't really been
talking to
the other birds

i think
i broke my own wings

accidentally on purpose

i don't like being
couped up
in a locked cage

but i am.
most of the time.

fly bird fly
just
try bird try.

lets catch up shall we.

hi blog. it's been a busy week. i wish i had friends. my sister is married now. leaving me the oldest unhitched santa maria girl left. weird. i know. i have a new brother. he's cute. five weeks tomorrow. i have been dating my first ever boyfriend for two months today. he is also cute. in a not little brother type way. lake powell in a week. party? yeah i think so.

Monday, July 26, 2010

lets talk about marriage...

my sister is getting married. tying the knot. yep. friday. in manti. strange. yes. believe it. and this is all i can handle talking about marriage right now. just remember. it rocks. yay married people.

vanilla pecans.

i had ice cream today. the vanilla kind with pecans. the best nut. possibly. while eating this creamy treat i realized how amazing something as simple as vanilla ice cream topped with pecans. life is like that i think. it's simple. mmm. but it becomes amazing when you top it off with pecans. so what are your pecans? long days with friends. singing. dancing in the rain. blogging maybe. i suggest finding it and taking a taste. life hits the spot everytime. promise.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

robert.

hello hello. here i am yet again dedicating another blog post to so you think you can dance. robert. it's your week. last wednesday robert was paired with all star allison in an amazing travis wall contemporary. robert has reached a place in my heart. he has so much love and passion. a true mommas boy. you are going places darling.


check out one of the most incredible contemp dances yet...

robert&allison top 7 fix you

happier.

i watched him walk away and i smiled. because i am happy. happier than i've ever been besides being a little girl on christmas morning. happy because we found it. we found it. tu eres mi corazon.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

alex.

alex wong. i know you don't read my blog but. you are incredible. the best really. you were supposed to win. and i cried when i heard the result of your mri. my heart is broken along with yours darling. i know you'll spank next season. and i'll be there voting for you every week. love you!

p.s. kent... it's all up to you now. knock 'em dead. win it for alex.

Monday, July 12, 2010

kent & lauren

hello bloggers. i don't know how many of you loves have been watching so you think you can dance this season. but let me tell you it is amazing. i am not lying. this last weeks episode the contestants had to do two dances one with an all star and one with another contestant. kent and lauren were paired up and their travis wall contemporary to collide was amazing. i suggest giving it a look see. i love you kent!

check out this link to view this incredible dance!

Collide kent&lauren top 8

Friday, July 9, 2010

two.hundred.

hello hello hello blogging community. today is a monumental day. this blog post. this one right here makes my two hundredth blog post! *iearfklsd;;f k;lvcjx re;rfakl;m* just imagine streamers and noise makers going off right then. two hundred everyone. that is alot of blogging! in honor of my blog's two hundredth child you can all treat your selves to cake and ice cream. i won't be providing. so if you have none of that then use your imagination. HAPPY TWO HUNDRED BLOG!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

again.

i can't believe
that i've done it again
i let myself
break my heart again.

i think i set myself up for failure
i think my world is so good and happy
and perfect.

but it's not.
even though i thought so

i accepted my break
and even moved on to my back up plan
dance education

but no.
she has too much faith in me
she doesn't want me to give up
my dream

neither do i.

but i'm here.
stuck and broken hearted
having to kiss away
my denver

again.

bolts & screws.

you know the "lump in your throat" anger. you try to swallow down the hate tears so it creates this awful traffic jam in your throat. that is the worst kind of anger i think. it's like there is a war going on inside you. and you are fighting so hard to keep your emotion inside. sometimes it's a battle you win. and sometimes it's not. sometimes people do things that force those nasty hate tears right out of your throat and into scream mode. it's like you are a machine. falling apart under the pressure. your bolts and screws are coming lose. your whole body rattling the small things away. and then you lose it and fall apart. and over heat. your radiator is empty. and all you think is... screw you. stay out of my life.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

stargazing & iceblocks.

what do you get when you add a bunch of crazy people with ice blocks and darkness. a party. it's hard to find people that will put their heads in the middle of a circle to stargaze these days... so when you find them hold on to them. just saying.

"this is micah. he has two moms"
"three. actually"

"this is lya our most favorite mexican ever."
"this is casada our most favorite mexican ever."

"my name is kinda boring cause my mom was white."
"no way mine too!"

"It's funny cause it's racist."

"she has the best not swear word vocabulary ever."
"Cuss yes."

"who's that man over there. what do you think he's looking for"
"maybe he just lost his puppy. no way me too."

"let's just pass that guitar around like beer. everyone just take a strum"

"he'll probably go home and write her a song."
"he's walking away without his guitar. he can't write without a guitar."
"he'll hum."

"trust fall"

"trust fall"

"you guys are just really fascinated with her legs"

"holy shasta. what the cuss was that"
"dude you're right. it is the best!"

"what is that?"
"stop that you are freaking me out"
"no seriously. i think it's a cell phone light."

"be careful. remember those cell phone lights."
"i think we're safe. they looked like girls"

"i don't have dolphin towels."

"trust fall"

"have you seen disturbia? this reminds me of when he looks down and there's that corpse"
"seriously. that movie is so not scary until all the sudden there's a dead body."

"what kind of idiot gets out of the car to move a dead human body."
"she was blonde wasn't she."

"where's he going. i'm afraid he'll get raped or something"

"sometimes there's a fat mexican woman inside me that wants to come out"

how to: lose a job in 10 days.

1. suck at your job.
2. forget to call pdi twice in a row.
3. make no sales.
4. show up later than 15 minutes early.
5. improperly fill out your track sheet.
6. lose drive.
7. have a negative attitude.
8. don't try hard.
9. don't follow the script.
10. don't listen to your manager.


don't you just hate hate hate when you start a job thinking it is going to be completely different from what you thought? it's an awful feeling because you know you aren't cut out for what they want you to be cut out for. and everyone yells at you because you think that. number one rule in sales, be confident. hey now. i am confident. in myself and in life and heck even in the product. but that confidence is all. i don't like calling people. and i don't think i should have to try and sell anything to anybody. if someone wants it they can talk to me. i am not a quitter. but i guess i am. i started out with high potential. and now. well now lets just say i am broken potential.

Monday, June 28, 2010

happy birthday little guy.

jonathan edmundo.




dear baby.

:) baby. baby boy. the doctor said you were going to be a girl. you are the surprise of the century. in more ways than one. but baby jonny eddy. i love you. thank you for completing our family. you are in for alot babe. i remember when i heard you were born i was shocked. i was expecting another santa maria girl. but papi said you had the boy parts. and you can't deny nature. for the first five minutes when i heard the news i just thought... what about all the cute little girl clothes... boys are no fun. but you know. when i saw you in your hospital bed you made me love you. and i forgot all about the cute little girl clothes. so don't worry i won't dress you like a girl. i pinky swear. papi was glowing. glowing. he knew you were a boy when the rest of us thought you were a girl... we apologize for that by the way... we love you boy. welcome to the family. number 8. we are a complete boxed set now. love you.

*lya.


8 pounds 9 ounces 14 inches tall

already making funny faces.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

confusion.

you give me alot to think about...

everything really.

you make me not want to think.

it hurts my head.

scream.

that's what i want to do...

scream and curse.

and maybe write a song.

i love that i'm so confused right now.

right now.

confusion.

Friday, June 25, 2010

sharpie henna.

today we adventured. we? me and the lovely aubrey snelson... we hennaed. which started out with us having a strange lemon sugar concoction soaking our hands and feet. after an hour of the lovelyness. we rinsed off and inked it up. we remembered how i used to sharpie henna my girls. my crappy dance team girls. it took us a total of three hours to do the soaking and drawing of the designs. but it turned out well. i smell like a foreign country. viva la bollywood.

take two.

see lya. see lya blog. see lya make it as easy as possible for simple people to read.


p.s. i don't use capitalization...

p.p.s. you are just jealous that i have a blog and it has meaning...

simpleman.

here is a post written for william hill. william is a simple man and does not read my blog because it is too deep, and has too many short sentences. so here is a post for you dearest william. i am writing in complete sentences so you can understand. i woke up this morning and had birthday cake for breakfast. i don't think life could get any better than that. did you understand that simple man, or would you like it spelled out?

p.s. you don't understand how incredibly hard it is to write in complete sentences and trying not to infuse some sort of meaning. but here it is. a simple post. for my simple friend. you know i love you.

womanhood.

eighteen. that's what age i turned yesterday. and i will not lie... it feels alot like being seventeen. except now i can be kicked out of my house and sent to jail... if i do anything wrong. i had a wonderful birthday. i started off the day with a spoiled surprise from michael bowman. i was supposed to be asleep in the tent... but i had to use the bathroom and my sister wouldn't let me back in. so while i argued with her... he was walking through the backyard. i stared at him for about five minutes in awe that he had showed up to surprise me 2 hours early. we played super mario and watched avatar to fill up some time. then this was my day,

one.
a hike to bridal veil with a surprise lunch provided by michael bowman. the mist from the waterfall felt amazing. no lie.

two.
i learned how to properly drive stick shift and drove sami all the way down the canyon.

three.

michael bowman and i headed to veterans pool. and had a fun little swimming party. it was crowded but water had never felt so good.

four.
we got hungry, so we hit up mcdonalds. he had ordered two mcdoubles... but they had registered that as seven. they gave him his money back and told us to keep the extra mcdoubles... which are still in my fridge.

five.
we went to my home and played piano and watched some bones. then helped my grandma fill up her car with gas. she has shingles in her finger.

six.
we drove around and i was feeling down... so we talked. and i felt much better.

seven.

we sand to the radio as we went up to south fork park to "watch the sunset". but instead i was bombarded by friends and a surprise birthday party.

eight.
we got stalled for twenty minutes talking to anna victoria on our way to the rest room.

nine.

we partied like villains... and i got an incredibly soft blanket with a tigers face on it from william.

ten.
we went to my home and dropped some stuff off. then while the others went to taco bell. michael and i went and talked at the park. i was cold.

eleven.

princess william called and said he and nicole were coming to join us.

twelve.
we four swung on the swings and told silly stories...

thirteen.
nicole and i ran across the feild... :) bare footed and other such fun.

fourteen.
nicole and william ran away together (not what you think) to the other playground.

fifteen.
michael and i sat on a bench and enjoyed each others company chatting and such.

sixteen.
we got worried the two trouble makers were abducted by gremlins. so we called william to check on them. they were indeed not abducted by gremlins.

seventeen.
i got tired so i started to fall asleep while michael told a story about davinci and a teleportation device.

eighteen.
i got dropped off at home. and smiled as i fell asleep because my birthday really had been the best.

womanhood will be grand.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

work.

i am a working woman as of today. i sell knives and other such cutleries. a dream job yes? it'll get me by. i send my appreciation to the other working women of the world. independence... works.

Monday, June 21, 2010

i am confused tonight blog readers.
i really don't know what to do...

just.

you are just
a girl
nothing more
than a
stupid
stupid
girl.

you are just
broken potential
there was
so much
but it's just
broken
broken.

you are just
this

you are just
that.

shut up

shut up
and
get out
of
my head.

screaming
screaming

you are just screaming

please.

just go away.

you've broken my heart.

torn up my dreams

so i am just
a lost girl

just a
hurting
broken
lost
lost
girl.

so.

just leave.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

dear blog readers.
i miss comments.
kiss kiss
Love always.

sunburns.

mmmmm. i could be a lizard. soak up warm rays all day long. but i've learned the hard way. if you stay in the sun for long enough... you get burned. it's simple. too much of a good thing... isn't healthy. keep that in mind.

we.

we have a rock... i think that qualifies us for ultimate nerdhood.

life.

sometimes life is hard. and then sometimes the little things happen and remind you that life isn't that bad. like soft guitar music, and throwing rocks into a river, or taking a nap under a tree. life is beautiful, and the hard times make the good times even better.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

sunshine.

welcome sun. the clouds have finally decided to disappear and give me that 85 degree blue skied weather that i've been wanting. thank you sun. i like you. kinda alot. i'm going to tan.

Monday, June 14, 2010

head.

my head really really hurts. i can only process so many things at one time. and i get in a jumble when there are too many things going on at once. chill. i can hear. just let my head rest for a bit.

Friday, June 11, 2010

michael.

where to even begin with you. i remember when you told me you were jealous you didn't make my blog. and i'm sorry you haven't yet. but today. i blog for you. michael. you make me happy. and i didn't see that before. i didn't want to. you tell me that i am beautiful and i blush. you stroke my face and i can't think. michael. i truly care about you. so much more than you even know. you are strong. and handsome. and i could get lost in your eyes. i want to be with you constantly. and i hate that we are so far apart. and that i am not with you right now. i looked past you for so long. and you wanted me. but i didn't listen. you are my friend. and then i realized. what am i doing. why am i letting an opportunity to be with the most amazing guy on the planet pass me by. i was an idiot. i loke you michael. tu es mi corazon.

sneezes.

allergies are no fun. with in the past week i think i've had enough sneezes to wipe out a third world country. my nose is tickly. and my eyes are itchy. and i can't wear my contacts... who ever invented summer allergies was a very very inconsiderate man.

vegas.

dear vegas,

you are much too far away.
take care of my boy.
end of story.
period.
thank you.

always yours,
lulu

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

too.

it's been too long since i've seen you blog. i missed you. but i've been busy. i love you blog. and how you are my outlet. i thank you for that. i'm sorry i was gone for too long. it's been too hard to find time. but you are too great. and too awesome. and too cool. i'll try not to be so late next time.

tears.

i cry alot lately. not because i'm sad. i'm terribly happy. but because of growing and change. i went to denver. and i loved it. and that scared me. i am lya. the little provo girl. waking up every morning to giant mountains and blue skies. i can't see myself as lya. the big denver girl. waking up every morning to tall buildings and loud sounds... so i cried. tears of fear. because i am scared. i will not lie. i am scared. but happy. my life isn't easy. but i'm glad it's not. if it were easy i wouldn't be the lya i am today.

i am lya. the little dreamer girl. waking up every morning to hope of another day...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

worthless.

stop treating me like i am worthless. because i have news for you. no matter how much you think i am just stupid scum of the earth, that i'm a hopeless dreamer that needs to wake up, or that i'm good for nothing. you. are. wrong. i am not worthless. i'm not. and i'm sick of hearing it over and over and over again. leave me be. i have dreams to go after. and you yelling at me all the time doesn't do anything but hurt you. so shut up and let me live my life. you can't tell me my worth anymore.

miss.

i am leaving. you know that don't you. i am leaving. and i might not ever come back. are you sad? are you going to miss my free soul? i won't know. because i am not you. but i'm hoping you will. i will miss you brown cat, said the free soul. i will miss you free soul, said the brown cat.

spirit.

i am a free spirit. cages just aren't my fancy. i like to fly. it's just getting over the falling that's the trick. sometimes i catch the wind. but i look so far ahead that i can't see the beauty of the clouds surrounding me. i am so future driven i forget to love the now. or at least i forget to tell it i love it. but. i am not going to forget anymore. the future is bright for me. but so is right now. i love you clouds.

Friday, May 28, 2010

begin.

yesterday was the beginning. a terrifying beginning. we were baby birds thrown from the nest and expected not to fall. we had no choice really. unless we didn't try. but i tried. and you tried. some at least. we're never going back to that nest. and i am never going to see any of my other birds again. i am going to miss you. did you hear that the hater said it. i am going to miss you. you don't understand how much. your face. your smile. your personality. i am going to miss everything. but we've been thrown from the nest. and we can't go back. we've got to begin to let our wings carry us now. good luck baby bird. i know it's hard. but we all have to begin somewhere.

Monday, May 24, 2010

why.

it is may twenty fourth today. and there is a blizzard afoot. it is completely white. like someone has put wax paper over the whole earth and everything is a fuzz. there is one question that comes to my mind. why? honestly. why? someone has a really crude sense of humor. snow snow go away come again... in december how about. thanks.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

clear.

i walked outside today and it was raining. the smell was divine. i wanted to sit on my roof but i was afraid i would slip and fall and break a fairly important bone. so... i didn't. i like to think on my roof. about life. boys. the future. the current popular topics. everything is good. so amazingly good. there are down sides. there are always down sides. but i like to think. not to hard. not to little. but thinking and the rain and my roof. all just clear my head.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

life.

things are okay right now. boy stats... 0/0... and yess that is still one hundred percent. i'm happy. life gets me down. but i've been smiling lately. a few tears shed. but life does that. i'm going to senior ball tomorrow. :) thank you jake partridge. and i will be beading all night. if i have red hands... it's blood from pin pricks. well. i've got work to do. so i won't be changing font sizes today. sorry. have a great one. life can always suck... but smiling makes it suck less.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

success.

*sigh*

relief. i have succeeded. i have started to prove to the world that i, lya amber santa maria, can make it in the world. that i have what it takes to be the best. :)

top five. top five. top five.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

niels.

i don't know how many of you know this. but i have a pen pal. and i don't talk about him so much. so he gets a blog today. his names is Niels Ternov. and so many times i have spelled it neils. you think us crazy american girls would learn. :) he is eighteen years old and lives in Sweden. you might be thinking... how did this mexican american ever meet a swedish person? well it was by sheer coincidence actually. we were both on holiday. (i'm calling it that now, vacation is such a lame word) in mexico. some of you know that i have mexican relatives, that of all places live in mexico. how unpredictable. well anyway. i was on holiday. he was on holiday. both of our families decided to go to the same ancient lighthouse and beach on the same day at the same time. i remember the very first time i saw him. he was a looker. but he wasn't speaking a recognizable language. there was a shuttle to the beach, thirty minutes from the lighthouse, where he, his lovely mother and sister sat next to me and my many sisters. i had a little one on my lap i believe. i wasn't talking too much, except for an occasional spanish phrase to my aunt. my spanish is very rusty. but then half way through the shuttle ride i said something in english to my sister. and shortly after that he started speaking to us. he didn't think we spoke english. and we didn't think he spoke english. how funny. well... we started a conversation and we all became fast friends. we talked the rest of the shuttle ride, and at the beach. they invited me to go snorkling with them. but i said i'd stay with my sisters. secretly i was afraid of the water. but that's not what i said. well, we went our seperate ways for a few hours. i remember his sister coming up to me and asking me if i had seen niels. but i hadn't. he had gone farther out snorkling, and hadn't come back to the beach yet. when he did get back to the beach he told us about a run in with a barracuda. he was wearing a shiny watch that had attracted the little bugger. the rest of the story was wishy washy, but we were all glad he was safe. then i went and ate some dinner with my family. my sister and i decide we should exchange emails with him. so i got up and he was walking towards us. he asked me if we cared to exchange email addresses. i love how foreign people are so on top of things and up front. so we did. and deep down i was hoping that he'd email me. so we wouldn't lose contact. he and i both knew we were going to be great friends. and he did email me. that next day. and i was so glad. after that day on the beach i have never seen him in person again. but we have talked. for two years almost. in july. we aren't as good at emailing each other as of late because we are so busy all the time. we are both graduating. so it has been so long. but some things are more important than talking to an old friend. i really trust him. and it is easy to. because he lives in sweden and i live here. and there is not one person he could tell my secrets to that i would care about them knowing. we are going to meet again someday. i know it. deep down. which sounds strange. but even if we are old and shriveled i think we will meet again.

hott.

i've been thinking. hazardous right. i'm sick of being the "hott" type. i don't want to be like that. i want to be beautiful and fun and the kind of girl guys want to have a relationship with. not that i need or want one right now. but i'm just that hott girl. no respect. i'm not even. at least i don't feel that way. i'm sick of people telling me that i'm jealous when i'm really not. and i'm sick of being the girl people think is so easy to take advantage of. and i'm sick of people turning their backs on me. and i'm sick of the looks i don't even have. i hate my looks. i hate them. hott is not a compliment to me.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm different you know.

strange dreams part one.

i am in a room. it's small and white. i am alone. in a white nightgown. what am i doing here? i try to speak but i can't. i don't know where i am or why i can't speak. nothing is making sense. i hear a voice. male. i recognize it. but i don't. the tone is strange. saying words i don't understand. there is no one there but me. i try to stand, but i can't. gravity is keeping me on the cold white floor. what is wrong with me. there is no door. or windows. just a blank box with me inside. i am scared. i don't want to be alone. but still i am. it is quiet. and i don't like the quiet. it hurts my head. my head is pounding. i don't want to be alone. a sound. quiet as a pin falling. but it is there. in a corner. there is someone. i know them. but i don't. they are walking towards me. help me up. but i still can't speak. my voice won't come. they are smiling at me. i think i love them. but i don't know them. then i am falling. in darkness. cold wind whipping my hair. i am going to die here. then i wake up.

william.

william. william. oh william. i listen to your voice almost every night before i go to bed.

'what if i fall and hurt myself would you know how to fix me? what if i went and lost myself would you know where to find me? if i forgot who i am would you please remind me oh. cause without you things go hazy'

*sigh* i smile every time you sing those words. i don't even know you, but william fitzsimmons you're voice is amazing. so i am blogging for you. keep on singing.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

sarah.

happy birthday sarah. we went and got dogtags today. cause we are a group, cult, fan club, shin dig, what ever you want to refer to us as. but that's what we are. and it was fun. i'm not as involved in this birthday as nicola. but i am a very busy girl. and i love sarah very much. but sometimes i just can't fit her in. :) i even had to leave before the hike :( you are great though. and i know you'll party it up being a woman and such. so happy birthday sarah. i love you.

pumped.

today. i am excited. little ole' me gets to be a princess at a ball. hoorah. the prince? jacob partridge. he showed up on my doorstep with a flower and a request. classy boy. classy boy. cut straight to the chase. kudos. i am going to highly enjoy myself, i mean jacob partridge. he has fun written all over him. so i am pumped. yay. yay for seniordom. :)

long.

long time no see. the past few days since i haven't blogged have been empty. i felt like there was something missing. strange i know. but it is true. blogging is now a part of my soul. and i never want to be gone that long again.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

mothers.

this is the talk i wrote for mothers day when i spoke in sacrament meeting. topic: Mothers in the Scriptures. here it is blogging community.

the first women i think of when i think of "mothers in the scriptures" are of course the mothers of the two thousand stripling warriors. In Alma 56 verses 47-48 it states:

"Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: we do not doubt our mothers knew it."

This scripture makes me think of the kind of women these mothers had to have bee nand the attributes they must have obtained in order to have had such an incredible impact on their sons. "we do not doubt. our mothers knew it."

i believe each of these women were the definition of the "power mom". they simply knew how to be great mothers. they knew they had a responsibility as mothers to teach their children sharing their knowledge and faith.

Mothers and fathers have a great influence on their children starting at a young age and will, by that influence, aid in shaping them into who they will one day become. think of Moses, Joseph, Jesus Christ, Nephi, Captain Moroni, Joseph Smith and so many others. Their mothers were not just ordinary women. they were special. they were strong. they raised fantastic sons. Sons that respected them and loved them enough to never doubt. their mothers were so faithful that that faith rubbed off onto their sons.

"if you do not doubt god will deliver you"

This had been drilled into the heads of the Stripling Warriors. Starting when they were young boys. it was probably one of the constants in their lives. like 'the sky is blue', 'day is bright' 'night is dark'. they knew it. they did not doubt.

i can just imagine the pep talk before the warriors left for battle. the mothers sitting them down and saying for one last time before their sons set off for war. "if you do not doubt god will deliver you."

These mothers had to have been just as strong or stronger than their sons. It is one thing to go off to battle. it is another to send a son off to battle. But i can just see them smiling, with tears on their faces, so proud of the men their sons had become. the men they had helped shape because as mothers they had known. and taught. and loved. "they did not doubt"

I look at my mother today. she has taught me. and loved me. and now as my life turns into a battle, and as i grow into the person she has helped shape me to be, and as it is time for her to send me off into the unknown world. i know i want to maker her proud. and i do not doubt. because she knows it. she know that god will always be with us no matter where the wind blows us.

look at your mothers. they love you. and they teach you. they sacrifice everything for you. they want what is best for you. just as the mothers of the Stripling warriors did. they are shaping you into warriors. and they know. they know so much more than we know. and we shouldn't doubt. our mothers will never lead us astray.

And that is the kind of mother i want to be. i want to know. and i want to have an impact on my children that they will not doubt, in me or in God. I have so much respect for mothers. they have to be so strong all the time. stronger in a way that some of us do not yet understand. they are teachers, protectors, nurses, warriors, cooks, they are anything we need them to be.

One day i will be a mother. and i want to be as strong as my mother has been. because i know that if i do not doubt, my children will not doubt. i will have faith for them. i will be strong for them i will teach them and maybe one day i will hear them say. "we do not doubt our [mother] knew it."