Friday, April 30, 2010


can i tell you a secret? yes. good. i am really afraid to fly. scared to death. what if i fall. what if i can't catch the wind. what if my new nest is ugly and doesn't accept me. i'm scared to fly. i'll be away from everything i love. all the other birds that look just like me. but i guess never quite matched. destined to belong with a different breed. similar but different. i'm scared to fly. and have to go and leave with only a good bye echoing behind. a faint memory that fades with time. i'm scared to fly. because you won't be there to catch me anymore. i have to do it alone. nothing but the wind to carry me off. i'm scared to fly but i have to. this nest is too small and there are other places that need me more. i am sophie the bird, and i'm scared to fly... but i'm going to do it anyway.

Monday, April 26, 2010


there are so many people yelling at me all the time. down down down. confidence goes down. but no matter how much this life beats me and beats me. i know i am important. yes me. important. maybe not in the world's eyes. but in the eyes of the only one who matters. the one that sent me here, gave me a body, gave me a family, gave my friends, gave me feelings because he thought i was important. me. my one soul out of all the rest he cares about just the same. he knows and cares for me. me. Lya Amber Santa Maria. he loves me. and he always will. i am important to him. even when i am not to anyone else. You are too you know. he loves you. he cares about you. you are important to him. and he wants you to know that... no matter where you go with your life. no matter what mistakes. you are important. and he loves you. you can be forgiven of all your wrong doings because you are important. you matter. in a world of millions, your one soul means everything to him.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


today i will be babysitting the one and only chloe edwards. i think some how we are best friends even though we are fifteen years apart. this three-year-old ball of energy is probably one of my most favorite people in the whole world. we are so free spirited. and we always have fun, from dance parties in the living room, to playing imagination in the park. chloe & me will always have fun. and i can honestly say i am so excited to babysit her today. i'd give up every saturday night to hang out with my favorite three year old.

Friday, April 23, 2010


drama drama drama. i guess i do get sucked in on occasion. enough, i suppose, to be considered dramatic. i am a center stage type girl. if you didn't already know. and you can think i am dramatic all you want. i'll admit, usually when i'm having a crappy day i'll be a little dramatic, but that doesn't mean you have to say that to my face. that makes me feel worse and want to punch you in the face. i am an up front girl that has her dramatic moments, yes. so don't screw around with me. or you just might encounter a big fat old dramatic explosion of drama. and we don't want that... now do we.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


it's lya. today didn't rock so much. oh well tomorrow will be better.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


i am dying. just so you know. everyday i get closer to my last breath. i think. i always think. sometimes it gives me a headache. tomorrow i could not be here. is anybody going to notice i am not there tomorrow. who is going to come to my funeral? the funeral of a girl who is really weird, and always over thinks, and who was bitter and sarcastic. i don't want a funeral i don't think. i don't want people to cry when i am gone. don't miss me. don't you dare miss me. remember me. and what i've done in your life. if i was a brat, if i was a friend, if i was just some stupid girl you never even liked. just remember me. i'm trying to make myself the kind of person, people will want to be alive for ever. the one they don't want to say good bye to.


this post is dedicated to some of the many people that have made a difference in my life.

Anna Victoria Humphries... we can't seem to get rid of each other. we are the stereotype. DID YOU HEAR THAT? WE ARE THE STEREOTYPE. of what? of best friends forever. we go our seperate ways sometimes... and we are both brats sometimes... but we always seem to end up besties again. always. and AV Humps... you really are my best friend. you are a great person, and we make each other stronger. sometimes i wonder why we even bother going separate ways when we always end up back again. but we just discovered this... cause we are good at that. thanks for always being there for me. you are an awesome dude.

Janae Lisa Wood... sometimes i can't even find words to express how much i love janae. we met freshman year at colorguard randomly one day. and ever since then we've been great friends. I cried the day i wrote my captain letter to janae. because we have always and will always be close. you inspire me to go after my dreams. and stick it too me when i need it. you let me know that i am an important part of this world, and i hope that i make the same impact on you. we are going to be friends forever. i know that.

Sarah Diane Crowley... third grade. THIRD GRADE everyone... that is how long we have been friends. You were my first best friend ever, i remember i was the friendly yet loner girl... but you were my first best friend. we laughed together, and cried together and even broke up once. we've been through alot and one thing i can say is that this girl is tough. she goes after what she wants and she doesn't let anybody control her. she makes me grow as a person and i am glad i have known her.

Nicole Laree Roberts... Coka coka coka. i remember the first time we ever spoke was very casually during sophomore english. you didn't talk much back then cause you just moved to st. louis. but i am a talker. and we chatted. and now we are tight. we can rant all night about boys and life and i know you are a strong girl. you believe so much. and i envy the way you believe. you like to be happy even when life wants you to be sad. you are such an example in every single way.

Jasmine Dawn Fullmer... oh jazzy lou. you are one of the greats. you have the best sense of humor and we have had amazing times. you acted, i costumed... it kind of just worked out for us that way. i remember all your boys stories, and how we could alway find ways to laugh at all the loser guys we have ever know. life is a party for you, and you don't like when people rain on your parade. you care so much about how you affect people and also don't care what people think of you. you are Jazz all the time. forever.

Alexandra Noel Taylor... You have so much love in your heart that it is almost unbearable. you care genuinely about everyone and love to have a good time. i remember when we met freshman year in biology... you liked Thady. and i remember how happy i was that you decided to do colorguard. and we had fun times during then. You are a nice girl and people notice that about you. live life and love it. you are great.

William Hill... where to even begin with this kid. i thought you were so stupid and immature. i didn't even know you then. i didn't care. but i should've. you are a party in a person. we are really alike. i think maybe somehow we were destined to be friends. which is really nerdy sounding. but i can count the number of guys on one hand that i can actually have a deep conversation with... and strangely you make that cut. you are a good kid, and i know everything you do is for a reason and you know what you believe and you would defend it with your life. i consider you a close friend. which is a great honor. ha just sayin.

Chelsea Nicole Lawson... three blondes and a mexican. that is us. we weren't even really tight until all of the sudden. we are alike in a lot of ways. and we have both lead interesting lives. i love you chelsea and i am so glad we ended up as m ore than acquaintances in the end... you are a great person. love you. always.

Jessica Grace Santa Maria... for being my big sister. and letting me sing at her wedding. she is a beautiful daughter of god and she will make a great future wife and mother. she loves everyone and forgives people when they forget to put her up on a special blog. she is a great person. and everyone can see that.

To everyone... you have all impacted me so much. and made me the girl i am today. and i want you all to know i love you so very very much. and i will never forget you. know matter where our lives take us. you are all a part of me now.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


i need the world to know... that i, lya amber santa maria, love life. and it is so hard. it sucks so much sometimes. but i love my life and always will. even when i get impatient and want to be done. i love this life that god made just for me. i matter to god. and that is all i really care about.


i wish ibuprofen actually worked... just saying.


time won't stop. time can't stop. even though i wish it would. life is complicated. life is hard. but time is cruel and moves on no matter what. i am growing up. everyday. every second i am a different person. i am changing. i don't want what i used to. i don't want what i used to. i don't. and time doesn't care. and moves on. it takes care of us that way. it lets us move forward and be different people. the people we want to be. give it time. cause sometimes that is all we really need.


i want... for the truth to come out
even though it hurts.
not just me.
but others.

i am... the strongest girl
i never lie
because i want

i can't... seem to find the
words you need to
hear because
somewhere deep inside
i don't want to
say them.

even though i have to.

i am... an awful person
please just trust that.
i hurt people.

so please
before i hurt you

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


i have a challenge. notice something nice about someone. maybe the way their eyes wrinkle when they smile. or maybe the way the strands in their eyes seem to glow in the sunshine. or notice the way their dimples show when they laugh. or the way their hair looks when it is tousled just so. notice the little things. the things that make people the way they are. i have three freckles that make a straight line on my right cheek. did you ever notice that? people love being noticed. make someones day... notice them.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

broken song.

do you want to run away
from your problems?
and do you want to turn away
from this life that's done you wrong?

but everytime i do.
i see the faces
of the people i can't
let down

i know that i've got
to be strong for them
cause it kills me
to see them frown

so i put on a happy face
for the world
so they won't see
my tears.

and i put on a stupid act
for the world
so they'll think
that i've got no fears.

but i don't want to be
a broken
person anymore

and i don't want to have
to hide
from the people
that i adore.

i want to let you
i want to let you in
but i can't

and it kills me.
it kills me
that i am broken
for you.


declaration to the world. i am happy being single. i hate boys. and i am glad i am taking myself away from them. yes. i am making a pact with myself to always be happy. with or without the male species. yes. :) i am lya. and i don't lie.

Friday, April 9, 2010


yes. i have been hater lately. super hater. why? i don't know. hate is an awful emotion. but without hate there is no love. so maybe this hate is preparing me for love. maybe.


sorry. i'm really sorry. sorry for what? for over reacting. oh. i'm sorry for texting you sometimes even when you probably wish i wouldn't. ... i'm sorry for being a female headed weird face. ... i'm sorry for not leaving you alone. and saying stupid things. ... i'm sorry for being rude and jealous and retarded all the time. and i'm sorry i let myself get this far. ... that's okay. no. it's not. stop apologizing and beating yourself up. sorry. i just can't help it sometimes. cause it's all my fault. and know.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


did you know that broken hearts can physically harm you. i didn't.
did you know that hate can burn a hole through your soul. i didn't.
did you know that holding back tears can make you hurt... i didn't.

but now i do. life is an experiment isn't it...
wow. someone's got a cruel sense of humor.


i create alot of drama. sometimes i can't help it. i am just the "in the spotlight" kind of girl. drama stinks stay out of it.


this has bad news written all over it. uh-oh. cuss. this is no bueno. i think a part of my soul is combusting. it sucks. i don't want to give anyone a chance. i want you to have the chance. cause i sit and try. but still my heart explodes at the littlest things you do. uh-oh. i knew this was not good.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


there were birds chirping outside today. i heard them. maybe spring is finally arrived. the snow is melting over... and maybe other things should too. time for a new start everyone. winter kills everything, then spring comes and it is reborn again. i am going to be reborn again. well at least i want to be. the chirpy birds have given me hope. thank you birdies. i do love the sound of your voices.

Monday, April 5, 2010


hello blog readers. lately i've been thinking about my future. i was watching greek and find myself being the Casey Cartwright of my own life. i know what i want. and most times i go after it. that is just the way it goes. but Casey got scared. and that is exactly where i am right now. i am scared. scared that i'll fail. scared that i'll be alone. scared that i don't have what it takes. and i thought. i don't want to grow up. cause if i grow up, i'll be in a scary new place. i will be alone. i might fail. and i don't like that. i'm scared. i don't know if i'm ready. i want to be. but part of my heart wont let go of everything i've had, everything i've tried so hard to get. colorado is calling. it is so close... fall semester at the school of my dreams. but what if i fail. what if i am alone. what if you fail. what if you are alone... are you going to be ready? i know i'm doing everything in my power to be.