Tuesday, October 26, 2010

blog for me beautiful.

i wish everyone had a chance to express themselves as i do. many people blog many long before i even discovered. and we are definitely a growing population. but it a wonderful outlet. a way to speak and be heard anywhere. so blog for me beautiful. just try it. it feels better than facebook. i promise.

Monday, October 18, 2010

september fourteenth.

it was dark for afternoon. the storm clouds closed in on my small, little town. it looked like rain. i loved rain. i stepped outside and the harsh autumn breeze blew my hair back and enveloped me in the cold that accompanied fall. the chill pulsed through my entire body. step. step. stop. another gust of the frigid wind caught me from behind, but this time it was not alone. mist brushed my face. thunder. lighting. the heavens opened up and seemed to cry thundering wet tears full of sadness and despair, hoping to drown the long dehydrated earth with its sorrow. i couldn't see. it was as if i were swimming with my eyes open. the world was distorted, cold, and unfamiliar. all from just a day's rain.

the rain painted the sidewalk the dark gray that i loved, the smell of those sweet drops on the asphalt. intoxicating. the street was flooded by the dark shower. yellow lines acting as a halfway through the vicious street river. my destination taunted me. it was so close, but the vast black expanse separated us. step. step. stop. look both ways. cross. run. crash.

the world stopped. flash. i saw a baby with thick midnight hair smiling at a mother. a small girl playing in the grass, a preteen at her first school dance, a teenager sitting at the piano. she was me. this was my life played in hyper-speed back again.

i was moving upward, looking through glass, everything a blurr. i was moving in slow motion, time wasn't right. down. down. down. glass gone, metal showing. the ground was so hard. screams. rolling. rollnig. scream. car. people. voices, voices. there were so many voices. i cab't hear. i can't see. shaking. my body was shaking. i can't stop. shaking. are you okay? moving, moving. my lips were moving. i can't hear. fine. fine. fine. okay, fine. echo's in my head. blood. there was blood. i tasted it in my mouth. i saw it on my hands. another hand. not mine. i'm up. up. blood. Blood. There is still blood. No pain. Just blood. Shaking, shaking. People. So many people. Go away. Shaking, shaking. Bleeding. Fine. Voices, voices. too many voices. Trying to speak. I can't hear. Go awy. Moving, moving. My feet were moving. I can't feel the ground. Shaking. Shaking. i am still Shaking.

Red. Blue. Flashing bright. Whining sirens. I can't hear. Inside. Warm. no more rain. Wet. Wet. I am Wet. Saking wet. Blood. Blood. Bleeding. Sit. Blue men. Orange box. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. Follow the light. Tests. Tests. So many tests. I hate tests. Blue man speaking i can't hear. Blue man mending. I can't feel. Does this hurt. No. No. Nothing hurts. Bleeding bleeding. Always bleeding my ankle now. Fix it. Fix it. Fix me. Please. Stop. Bleeding stopped. Bandaged hand. Bandaged ankle. Red Stains. No more blood.

You are going to be okay. Okay Okay. Adrenaline Leaving. I can hear. I can see. Ouch. I can feel. Pain pinging. Coming back. My head hursts. Rashes on my arms. My legs. My sides. I llook funny like an alien. Voices. Voices. I can hear. The are talking about me. Lucky girl. Lucky girl. Cut and bruised, just a little scraped up. Breathe i am going to be okay. lucky girl. I am a lucky girl. Breathing. Breathing. Stop. I am going to be okay.

i meant
to write about this on the fifth anniversary. but i got so busy and was just now reminded. this is a memoir. of a freshman girl, small as a fourth grader. this memoir was written for a 12th grade english project. which i got an a on. i know it's long... but if you made it this far down i hope you enjoyed.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

for future reference...

i like tiger lilies. and listening to night. and spontaneous notes or texts. i like letters. the kind written with an actual pen on paper. and i like adreniline rushes. i like being in the woods. and smelling the sweet fall air. and rainy days with puddles and all. i like being suprised. when i don't suspect a suprise is coming. and i really like fridays. i love speaking different languages. and random dancing. and i like silly tv shows and music videos. and i like painted toe nails with little daisies included. i like writing. and teddy bears. and dates. and so much more. but for now that will be the end. just remember that i really like life.

figure it out.

you know what is kinda funny? people caring about how other people live their lives. i mean... it's not your life to live so why are you poking your dirty little nose past other peoples privacy curtains. wow. that sounded harsh. i mean as humans we have feelings and we can care about people. but some people do not like... pushing nudging prodding bugging sniffing urging or poking with long sticks. do you catch my drift? i think every person in this whole world is plenty capable of running their own lives. i think that might be the reason that only one person can be in one body. except in severe cases of skitzo and/or mpd. but seeing as the majority of us are not... i think we can make our own decisions. so figure it out. figure it out. where do you (key word you) want to go with your life. go there and don't wait for someone to hold your hand. you can do it little bird. just try and jump.

Monday, October 11, 2010


i highly recommend seeing the new karate kid, if you haven't already done so. some important lessons can be learned. like kicking butt isn't always about kicking butt. dig below the surface. it was said that kung fu is not merely fighting. but making peace with your enemies. viewing things glass half full. you following? and so it goes and so it goes. there is more meaning to life if we choose to look for it. to work for it. to want it. to dig for it. pinky swear.


we as humans are always saying. but what are we really doing? we say one thing and do another. isn't it funny. i think it is really because we like controversy. each and every one of us. don't try to deny it. it's true. lets just be honest here. but why not for a minute lets try to actually stop saying and start doing. words are just words after all. but actions. those can take down words in a second. so go and live your dreams, start doing what it is that makes you happy. just do it. it is honestly that simple. lets all just do it. starting today. ready break.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


i am little.
but that doesn't mean i'm small
i can do a lot
even though i'm not tall.

the best things come in the smallest packages like diamonds and dynamite. just remember that all of you people under five four. we are the best. and just cause we are little doesn't mean we are small. i think my personality is actually quite large. and i know many other that are the same. live life and love it. this message has been brought to you by the letter L and the number 1

laughs & giggles.

laughing always make you feel better. i pinky swear. when ever you feel down. find something to make you laugh. to quote the old cliche, laughter is the best medicine. and it is. don quioxte de la mancha was an man dying of old age. but decided to live and laugh and be the knight he always wished he was. and he died a happy man. lets all be like that. i don't know maybe that's how we can make the world a better place.