try.

sometimes bad things happen. even though you really really really didn't want them to. you don't even know whats happening, til its gone. all you can do is cry sometimes. cry as they hold you and tell you how sorry they are. i am so sorry. over and over and over. but you still cry. just let it out. and it makes them so unhappy that they hurt you. but i have always been a bigger person. and i am quick to forgive. i forgive you. i do. with all my heart. its all going to be okay. i know we have alot we need to work out, so i'm going to try. i'm going to try helping you. and making sure you never feel so unhappy again. because i think i am a helper. and i want people to be happy. so smile. it's okay. i forgive you. it might take me awhile to trust you. but just know i am going to try. and i know we aren't the forever type, so i will try and help you for the next great thing that will happen to you. don't you worry. i won't give up on you.

recently.

i have had a lot to think about recently. and i have come to a realization. it is so hard to find men like my bo. and i have one. i had a dream last night about him, and it came exactly when i needed it. it was an odd dream, of course, but i was awake in the middle of the night wanting to puke my guts out and when i finally got back to sleep he was there. he had come for me. and i knew he always would for the rest of my life. i hate that i'm forgetting what he sounds like and what his hugs feel like. but i know he's where he should be. and i know that i can't give him up. he is my forever love. he is such a special man. and i won't find another guy quite like him ever. so i am not giving up on him. and i will patiently wait for his return in just 1 year and 4 months. it'll all be worth it.

my bo is a talented fellow. i absolutely love it. i could brag about him for years.

be alright.

i am missing a big moment right now. and i can't believe i was too stressed out to even remember. so i fell down in the dumps for a minute, and realized when i needed somebody to talk to all i wanted to do was call bo. i wanted to hear his voice. i wanted him to tell me he loves me. i don't let myself get down very often. about anything really. i have hardly any time for that. but today with midterms on my shoulders and a nasty little sickness i just wanted my love. i know i don't get to have him right now but i sure wish he would come and hold me til i fell asleep. and tell me everything was going to be alright. because we he said it, i believed it. i trust him with my whole heart and my whole soul. my heart doesn't even belong to me anymore. he has it. and i want him to keep it. because even though i'm down right now. i am imagining his voice in my head saying don't worry scout, everything is going to be alright.

life is short. how many of us truly take advantage of the beautiful time we have to be alive. i know i don't wake up in the morning and think wow i'm sure glad i'm breathing today. i think that is probably the last thing on my mind. other things clutter my life. school, work, friends, i have hardly any time to truly be thankful for everything i have been given. i have been given a home with two parents that love me, i have been given talents, i have been given the most incredibly amazing boyfriend in the whole entire world, and i know that i have a loving heavenly father that cares deeply for my well being. i am so lucky. we all are so lucky. but each in different ways. and i seem to forget this sometimes when life gets hard. life is too short to live with regrets.

day of love.

i still love valentines day even though my michael is away. he sent me the most beautiful card and a diamond pendant. i am wearing it around my neck as we speak. he also wrote me the most beautiful poem in the most beautiful handwriting. i was smiling ear to ear as i read it. it is incredible the power that words can have. i actually felt his love for me as i read. and even though the sound of his voice and the feel of his warmth are slipping away from me i still know that even after everything we go through together, he still loves me. he even loves me enough to tell me to date. yes i know. my own boyfriend who is crazy about me wants me to date other boys. his words were, i want you to go taste the ice creams and make sure i'm your favorite one. so that's what i'm doing. i am dating. and it feels really nice. and i have had a really great time. i love that i am growing up. and i had a really great valentines day. a wonderful day of love. don't forget even if you seem alone... you never are. someone somewhere can't get you off of there mind, whether it be romantically, friendly or platonically. don't forget. because you really are loved.

i won't give up.

this is mine and bo's new song i just decided. it made me cry the first time i heard it. absolutely incredible.