fly.

can i tell you a secret? yes. good. i am really afraid to fly. scared to death. what if i fall. what if i can't catch the wind. what if my new nest is ugly and doesn't accept me. i'm scared to fly. i'll be away from everything i love. all the other birds that look just like me. but i guess never quite matched. destined to belong with a different breed. similar but different. i'm scared to fly. and have to go and leave with only a good bye echoing behind. a faint memory that fades with time. i'm scared to fly. because you won't be there to catch me anymore. i have to do it alone. nothing but the wind to carry me off. i'm scared to fly but i have to. this nest is too small and there are other places that need me more. i am sophie the bird, and i'm scared to fly... but i'm going to do it anyway.

important.

there are so many people yelling at me all the time. down down down. confidence goes down. but no matter how much this life beats me and beats me. i know i am important. yes me. important. maybe not in the world's eyes. but in the eyes of the only one who matters. the one that sent me here, gave me a body, gave me a family, gave my friends, gave me feelings because he thought i was important. me. my one soul out of all the rest he cares about just the same. he knows and cares for me. me. Lya Amber Santa Maria. he loves me. and he always will. i am important to him. even when i am not to anyone else. You are too you know. he loves you. he cares about you. you are important to him. and he wants you to know that... no matter where you go with your life. no matter what mistakes. you are important. and he loves you. you can be forgiven of all your wrong doings because you are important. you matter. in a world of millions, your one soul means everything to him.

chloe.

today i will be babysitting the one and only chloe edwards. i think some how we are best friends even though we are fifteen years apart. this three-year-old ball of energy is probably one of my most favorite people in the whole world. we are so free spirited. and we always have fun, from dance parties in the living room, to playing imagination in the park. chloe & me will always have fun. and i can honestly say i am so excited to babysit her today. i'd give up every saturday night to hang out with my favorite three year old.

dramatic.

drama drama drama. i guess i do get sucked in on occasion. enough, i suppose, to be considered dramatic. i am a center stage type girl. if you didn't already know. and you can think i am dramatic all you want. i'll admit, usually when i'm having a crappy day i'll be a little dramatic, but that doesn't mean you have to say that to my face. that makes me feel worse and want to punch you in the face. i am an up front girl that has her dramatic moments, yes. so don't screw around with me. or you just might encounter a big fat old dramatic explosion of drama. and we don't want that... now do we.

so...

it's lya. today didn't rock so much. oh well tomorrow will be better.

dying.

i am dying. just so you know. everyday i get closer to my last breath. i think. i always think. sometimes it gives me a headache. tomorrow i could not be here. is anybody going to notice i am not there tomorrow. who is going to come to my funeral? the funeral of a girl who is really weird, and always over thinks, and who was bitter and sarcastic. i don't want a funeral i don't think. i don't want people to cry when i am gone. don't miss me. don't you dare miss me. remember me. and what i've done in your life. if i was a brat, if i was a friend, if i was just some stupid girl you never even liked. just remember me. i'm trying to make myself the kind of person, people will want to be alive for ever. the one they don't want to say good bye to.

difference.

this post is dedicated to some of the many people that have made a difference in my life.

Anna Victoria Humphries... we can't seem to get rid of each other. we are the stereotype. DID YOU HEAR THAT? WE ARE THE STEREOTYPE. of what? of best friends forever. we go our seperate ways sometimes... and we are both brats sometimes... but we always seem to end up besties again. always. and AV Humps... you really are my best friend. you are a great person, and we make each other stronger. sometimes i wonder why we even bother going separate ways when we always end up back again. but we just discovered this... cause we are good at that. thanks for always being there for me. you are an awesome dude.

Janae Lisa Wood... sometimes i can't even find words to express how much i love janae. we met freshman year at colorguard randomly one day. and ever since then we've been great friends. I cried the day i wrote my captain letter to janae. because we have always and will always be close. you inspire me to go after my dreams. and stick it too me when i need it. you let me know that i am an important part of this world, and i hope that i make the same impact on you. we are going to be friends forever. i know that.

Sarah Diane Crowley... third grade. THIRD GRADE everyone... that is how long we have been friends. You were my first best friend ever, i remember i was the friendly yet loner girl... but you were my first best friend. we laughed together, and cried together and even broke up once. we've been through alot and one thing i can say is that this girl is tough. she goes after what she wants and she doesn't let anybody control her. she makes me grow as a person and i am glad i have known her.

Nicole Laree Roberts... Coka coka coka. i remember the first time we ever spoke was very casually during sophomore english. you didn't talk much back then cause you just moved to st. louis. but i am a talker. and we chatted. and now we are tight. we can rant all night about boys and life and i know you are a strong girl. you believe so much. and i envy the way you believe. you like to be happy even when life wants you to be sad. you are such an example in every single way.

Jasmine Dawn Fullmer... oh jazzy lou. you are one of the greats. you have the best sense of humor and we have had amazing times. you acted, i costumed... it kind of just worked out for us that way. i remember all your boys stories, and how we could alway find ways to laugh at all the loser guys we have ever know. life is a party for you, and you don't like when people rain on your parade. you care so much about how you affect people and also don't care what people think of you. you are Jazz all the time. forever.

Alexandra Noel Taylor... You have so much love in your heart that it is almost unbearable. you care genuinely about everyone and love to have a good time. i remember when we met freshman year in biology... you liked Thady. and i remember how happy i was that you decided to do colorguard. and we had fun times during then. You are a nice girl and people notice that about you. live life and love it. you are great.

William Hill... where to even begin with this kid. i thought you were so stupid and immature. i didn't even know you then. i didn't care. but i should've. you are a party in a person. we are really alike. i think maybe somehow we were destined to be friends. which is really nerdy sounding. but i can count the number of guys on one hand that i can actually have a deep conversation with... and strangely you make that cut. you are a good kid, and i know everything you do is for a reason and you know what you believe and you would defend it with your life. i consider you a close friend. which is a great honor. ha just sayin.

Chelsea Nicole Lawson... three blondes and a mexican. that is us. we weren't even really tight until all of the sudden. we are alike in a lot of ways. and we have both lead interesting lives. i love you chelsea and i am so glad we ended up as m ore than acquaintances in the end... you are a great person. love you. always.

Jessica Grace Santa Maria... for being my big sister. and letting me sing at her wedding. she is a beautiful daughter of god and she will make a great future wife and mother. she loves everyone and forgives people when they forget to put her up on a special blog. she is a great person. and everyone can see that.

To everyone... you have all impacted me so much. and made me the girl i am today. and i want you all to know i love you so very very much. and i will never forget you. know matter where our lives take us. you are all a part of me now.