12:24 am

I have been so unbelievably happy these days. Yesterday I had the chance to see one of my greatest friends Janae. Sitting in the rain, soaking wet, watching a softball game. The environment was not ideal but seeing my good friend brought me such great joy. I had been worrying a lot lately and she had just the right things to say that changed my perspective right around.

As the day concluded I was driving down the street with my favorite song blaring from the speakers. At that exact moment I was overcome with  peace and joy. I looked at the clock. 12:24 am.

I know times are going to get tough and I will undeniably freak out sometimes. But I have 12:24 to hold onto and remember in my hardest times that I have experienced pure untainted joy and love for life. Thanks Jay for helping me find my 12:24 moment. It's a good life.

different.

things are different now. my once sweetheart and former love of my life is engaged to a different woman. many people would find bitterness and hatred out of a situation like this. but to this i say,{ love is love.} though my love is different now, true love is pure and will last through even the most trying of circumstances. i loved my bo with all my heart, and i know we didn't work out. we chose different paths. but just because our paths no longer lead to each other doesn't change the {love} i once had. all the beautiful memories we made, and the tears that we shed. i became a daughter, sister, and aunt to those whom i was not related to. and i had the opportunity to find a version of myself that didn't need a second half. i could stand on my own. for this i can say i regret nothing. pure love is finding joy in the other's happiness. it is not selfish. though this love has morphed from a romantic to a platonic, i am not angry. i am not disappointed. i am happy that the man i once {loved} so dearly has found the person who will carry him to eternity. i had my fair share of mourning but i have grown strong, and i can stand. i am ok. my happily ever after is much different than i thought it would be just a year ago. but i am happy where i am. and i can smile that i am alive and that there are people that {love me.} The great thing about love is that there is plenty to be shared. there isn't ever just one true love. so i know things are different, but i don't have to be afraid of change, and i don't have to be angry. everything will work as it should.

sure is crazy.

i sure am a lucky girl to have had my first interaction with my sweet bo documented in photograph. this picture is from the night we met. he was crazy about me already, and i didn't even notice. if you had asked the seventeen year old in this picture if she would have expected any of what was to come, she would have said no. but the twenty year old she is now couldn't be more thrilled.

i used to be the girl that never truly liked anyone. i just liked the idea of a someone. i would convince myself of a crush just for the purpose of thinking someone could care about me. but that always seemed to blow up right in face. i would get crazy and push people away, just as i even did with my bo.

when we first started out i remember telling him i liked him, and to my total surprise he confessed that he had been smitten from the first sight of me. i freaked. i was sure i had just invented in my head that i just loved the idea of a relationship, and that my feelings were false. so i pushed him away, he agreed to be friends again which was something that was much easier for a girl like me to do.

he patiently waited for me, and after a few months i realized how stupid i was being and that my feelings were true. i remember driving up to see him because i couldn't not for one more second.

even though i had kissed two others before him, i never really knew what it was supposed to feel like. i was sure kissing was really not all it was hyped up to be until i had my first with him. i couldn't even walk after our lips parted that first night. the feeling i had i never wanted to go away. it wasn't at all a physical experience as much as it was a connection of our souls. it was as if i didn't even know i had missed him all the years before. my soul missed him.

i will confess that having a relationship was hard. is hard. will always be hard. but loving him is easy. in every other situation i love to be in control. but when it comes to him i am whipped. i started to learn what love was really all about, and i found that i would do anything for him. not because i wanted something out of it, but just for the pure reason that i want to. i want to give him everything he needs. and i know he feels the same towards me.

the day he left to experience the big two years seemed like it was going to be the hardest thing in the world i would have to do. but with everyday it got easier, and i learned alot about me. i dated some others here and there, and even experienced some micro-relationships. but none of them were the same. the level of respect, trust, and friendship i was spoiled with in my relationship with my bo couldn't be beat, no matter how eligable the bachelor. and i came to the conclusion. i dont want anyone else. i have found my favorite flavor of ice cream, and i plan on sticking with him as long as he will still take me.

it sure is crazy to think of the memories we have together, and how far away they seem. everything was a flash, and i started to forget what it was like to have him here. but this is what i wanted. i wanted, no matter the temporary cost, for the love of my life to serve the lord, and find himself. i want to never give up because i know that even though its crazy... it will all be worth it.

grown up.

however much I would like to pretend that I am still that little girl who loves playing house, I am actually a grown up now. I payed off my credit card today and my rent and utilities. Six year old me was so excited for the future, and she had no idea about bills that need to be paid. But she had it right to be excited. Being a grown up is full of sacrafice, and making hard decisions but the feeling I get knowing that I am doing it is the greatest reward. I can go to school full time time and get straight A's and work management at a job 25-30 hours a week. And I can get my bills paid and still wake up smiling. The best things in life are the ones you have to work for. I am so incredibly happy being a grown up.

red

as many of you know, i am a seamstress. i absolutely love creating things with my bare hands and getting to wear or watch others wear my creations. this past halloween i decided to go old school and make a period red riding hood costume. so the costume red from "once upon a time" was born.

 with a fellow red riding hood at school

 

 

it's needless to say that i will be having a fairytale tea party in order to have an excuse to wear this wonderful costume again.

we are the dancers

 

seeing as we are passing the mid term i'd say now is as good as any other time to give a shout out to my lovely dancer girls. we sweat together, we work together, we at times bleed together. all for the love of dance. so here is to some of the most kick a girls i know. you know who you are.

would you look what i found.

I was flipping through some of my old things and found some very happymaking pictures. And too think i thought we didn't take enough pictures together before the big two years rolled around.



I still love you cowboy. give em heaven.