Tuesday, March 12, 2013
sure is crazy.
i used to be the girl that never truly liked anyone. i just liked the idea of a someone. i would convince myself of a crush just for the purpose of thinking someone could care about me. but that always seemed to blow up right in face. i would get crazy and push people away, just as i even did with my bo.
when we first started out i remember telling him i liked him, and to my total surprise he confessed that he had been smitten from the first sight of me. i freaked. i was sure i had just invented in my head that i just loved the idea of a relationship, and that my feelings were false. so i pushed him away, he agreed to be friends again which was something that was much easier for a girl like me to do.
he patiently waited for me, and after a few months i realized how stupid i was being and that my feelings were true. i remember driving up to see him because i couldn't not for one more second.
even though i had kissed two others before him, i never really knew what it was supposed to feel like. i was sure kissing was really not all it was hyped up to be until i had my first with him. i couldn't even walk after our lips parted that first night. the feeling i had i never wanted to go away. it wasn't at all a physical experience as much as it was a connection of our souls. it was as if i didn't even know i had missed him all the years before. my soul missed him.
i will confess that having a relationship was hard. is hard. will always be hard. but loving him is easy. in every other situation i love to be in control. but when it comes to him i am whipped. i started to learn what love was really all about, and i found that i would do anything for him. not because i wanted something out of it, but just for the pure reason that i want to. i want to give him everything he needs. and i know he feels the same towards me.
the day he left to experience the big two years seemed like it was going to be the hardest thing in the world i would have to do. but with everyday it got easier, and i learned alot about me. i dated some others here and there, and even experienced some micro-relationships. but none of them were the same. the level of respect, trust, and friendship i was spoiled with in my relationship with my bo couldn't be beat, no matter how eligable the bachelor. and i came to the conclusion. i dont want anyone else. i have found my favorite flavor of ice cream, and i plan on sticking with him as long as he will still take me.
it sure is crazy to think of the memories we have together, and how far away they seem. everything was a flash, and i started to forget what it was like to have him here. but this is what i wanted. i wanted, no matter the temporary cost, for the love of my life to serve the lord, and find himself. i want to never give up because i know that even though its crazy... it will all be worth it.