repetitive.

i need to start getting more creative with my blog titles. i just read back through the past few months of blogging and found i repeat titles. alot. haha. well. that's gonna have to change. feel free to virtually slap me if i reuse a title.

that is all.

thanks.

chapped.

my lips are chapped. symbolic. my lips hurt. and it hurts to speak. so i don't. there is so much i can't say because my chapping lips hurt. i don't have chapstick. symbolic. there is nothing to soothe my aching lips. so they are left chapped and ugly. ugly chappy lips. one voice. one opinion swallowed because it hurts too much to move my lips. symbolic. can you read the symbolism? maybe not. maybe. maybe one day i'll explain it. after my ugly chappy lips are once again soft.

constantly.

i am constantly hurting.
and i hide from the people
that most care.
they can't see me like this
troubled
confused
broken and hurting

i am constantly breaking.
something new every time
a boy
a sister
a life
something will always
break me.

i am constantly growing.
learning while hurting
learning while breaking
i know you love me.
and i will live my life for
You.

soulpiece.

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
*paramore

these words. are the words that ring truest in my head. it echos and screams... i will find happiness and my brain says get away. it never lasts. this is a fluke. so i run away. always. every single time. i always hurt myself first. before i let him close enough to hurt me instead. it is who i am. and i don't know why i'm programmed this way. i just am. if any of you were ever wondering what my soul looked like. here it is.

breakable.

have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
just a cage of rib bones and other various parts
so, it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
and to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

and we are so fragile
and our cracking bones make noise,
and we are just breakable, breakable,
breakable girls and boys
*ingrid michaelson

fragile. fragile. fragile hearts.
we are breakable people.
so insanely breakable.

don't break anyone.

shattered hearts aren't so easy to mend.

amen ingrid. amen.

william's song.

your brown eyes.
oh your brown eyes.
took me by surprise.
oh those brown eyes.

and i remember
when i thought
you were stupid
(ha still are)

but look at us now
you're showing me how
to laugh at myself
when things go wrong
and everytime i
just wanted to cry
you told me everything
was gonna be alright.
alright.

and everywhere i go
i really don't know
what i'm doin'
from here.

and i remember
when we talked
til three am.

and look at us now
you're showing me how
to laugh at myself
when things go wrong
and everytime i
just wanted to cry
you told me everything
was gonna be alright

and look at me now
you've showed me how
and now i can laugh
when things go wrong
and everytime i
just wanted to cry
i know that everything
is gonna be alright
alright.
alright.

you.

you. are. really. cute. when. you. sleep. you are peaceful. innocent. you look like you've never hurt a fly. this is how i am going to remember you. i think. alot. you are there sometimes. and i remember. the bad stuff. and the good. too bad the bad outweighed the good. we are friends. yep. friends. but you've stolen a piece of me that i can't ever have back. that sucks. but it happens. you taught me something. if i keep giving out my heart. there won't be anything left. i will be empty. and alone. but. you. are. really. cute. when. you. sleep. and this is how i am going to remember you.