goodbyes.

i have been thinking. i have often said how much i hate goodbyes. but i am getting unbearably good at them. every bird must fly away. i am just waiting for the warm weather. i have a sliver in my wing. excuses excuses. i still very much so hate goodbyes. i would much prefer a good hello. less heartbreaking i suppose. so try something with me. i don't know how it will work. but, don't say goodbye. just say be seeing you. like in the notebook. so blogger readers. be seeing you.

happy holidays.

happy holidays blog readers. think about what makes you happy and let that stay in your mind what ever might come your way. life is a crazy party. just love it. now is not the time to let stuff bog you down. keep it light loves. ciao.

feet.

today bloggers, i am grateful for feet. i stand on them all day long and they take a beating for me so i can do what i need to do. and they give me balance. think about it. imagine if your legs just ended in nubs. bye bye balance. that would be no good. at all. so i am glad i have feet that keep me up and help me stand. i would be so utterly lost without them. thank you feet. and i apologize for not thanking you til now. keep up the good work.

updated.

well if it isn't little ole me. back from the dead. i would like to publicly state that i do actually enjoy blogging but, my time seems to be lacking as of late. i work now. at joann fabric and craft. i know what you are thinking. it is absolutely the perfect job for me. and you are right. my body takes a beating every day from standing up for long hours. but i really don't mind. i don't even seem to notice til after i've made the money for the day. lets see what else. oh yes i costume shows. still. i know what your thinking. what a super senior. well if you haven't noticed i am actually quite good at what i do. and i dont think my drama children have any problem with me jumping back in and making them look beautiful. or rather making them look prisoneresque. i also have found a new love, violet lipstick. i discovered it today and i don't think i will ever be taking it off. well for now you have been updated. live life, love it up, and remember who you are. lu out.

blog for me beautiful.

i wish everyone had a chance to express themselves as i do. many people blog many long before i even discovered. and we are definitely a growing population. but it a wonderful outlet. a way to speak and be heard anywhere. so blog for me beautiful. just try it. it feels better than facebook. i promise.

september fourteenth.

it was dark for afternoon. the storm clouds closed in on my small, little town. it looked like rain. i loved rain. i stepped outside and the harsh autumn breeze blew my hair back and enveloped me in the cold that accompanied fall. the chill pulsed through my entire body. step. step. stop. another gust of the frigid wind caught me from behind, but this time it was not alone. mist brushed my face. thunder. lighting. the heavens opened up and seemed to cry thundering wet tears full of sadness and despair, hoping to drown the long dehydrated earth with its sorrow. i couldn't see. it was as if i were swimming with my eyes open. the world was distorted, cold, and unfamiliar. all from just a day's rain.

the rain painted the sidewalk the dark gray that i loved, the smell of those sweet drops on the asphalt. intoxicating. the street was flooded by the dark shower. yellow lines acting as a halfway through the vicious street river. my destination taunted me. it was so close, but the vast black expanse separated us. step. step. stop. look both ways. cross. run. crash.

the world stopped. flash. i saw a baby with thick midnight hair smiling at a mother. a small girl playing in the grass, a preteen at her first school dance, a teenager sitting at the piano. she was me. this was my life played in hyper-speed back again.

i was moving upward, looking through glass, everything a blurr. i was moving in slow motion, time wasn't right. down. down. down. glass gone, metal showing. the ground was so hard. screams. rolling. rollnig. scream. car. people. voices, voices. there were so many voices. i cab't hear. i can't see. shaking. my body was shaking. i can't stop. shaking. are you okay? moving, moving. my lips were moving. i can't hear. fine. fine. fine. okay, fine. echo's in my head. blood. there was blood. i tasted it in my mouth. i saw it on my hands. another hand. not mine. i'm up. up. blood. Blood. There is still blood. No pain. Just blood. Shaking, shaking. People. So many people. Go away. Shaking, shaking. Bleeding. Fine. Voices, voices. too many voices. Trying to speak. I can't hear. Go awy. Moving, moving. My feet were moving. I can't feel the ground. Shaking. Shaking. i am still Shaking.

Red. Blue. Flashing bright. Whining sirens. I can't hear. Inside. Warm. no more rain. Wet. Wet. I am Wet. Saking wet. Blood. Blood. Bleeding. Sit. Blue men. Orange box. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. Follow the light. Tests. Tests. So many tests. I hate tests. Blue man speaking i can't hear. Blue man mending. I can't feel. Does this hurt. No. No. Nothing hurts. Bleeding bleeding. Always bleeding my ankle now. Fix it. Fix it. Fix me. Please. Stop. Bleeding stopped. Bandaged hand. Bandaged ankle. Red Stains. No more blood.

You are going to be okay. Okay Okay. Adrenaline Leaving. I can hear. I can see. Ouch. I can feel. Pain pinging. Coming back. My head hursts. Rashes on my arms. My legs. My sides. I llook funny like an alien. Voices. Voices. I can hear. The are talking about me. Lucky girl. Lucky girl. Cut and bruised, just a little scraped up. Breathe i am going to be okay. lucky girl. I am a lucky girl. Breathing. Breathing. Stop. I am going to be okay.

i meant to write about this on the fifth anniversary. but i got so busy and was just now reminded. this is a memoir. of a freshman girl, small as a fourth grader. this memoir was written for a 12th grade english project. which i got an a on. i know it's long... but if you made it this far down i hope you enjoyed.

for future reference...

i like tiger lilies. and listening to night. and spontaneous notes or texts. i like letters. the kind written with an actual pen on paper. and i like adreniline rushes. i like being in the woods. and smelling the sweet fall air. and rainy days with puddles and all. i like being suprised. when i don't suspect a suprise is coming. and i really like fridays. i love speaking different languages. and random dancing. and i like silly tv shows and music videos. and i like painted toe nails with little daisies included. i like writing. and teddy bears. and dates. and so much more. but for now that will be the end. just remember that i really like life.