good.

life's good.

scared.

there are so many things i want to say to you. but i can't. the words won't come out. even though i wish they would. truth is, i'm scared. i'm scared to death of what you'll think about me. i shouldn't care. but i do. your opinion matters to me. and that is why i kill myself just to make you notice. i need to speak up. there are so many things you need to hear. so many things about me you need to know. but you never will. cause i won't let you.

cry.

if you need to cry... it's okay. letting out emotion is good. it lets the heart release some tension. it allows you to cope with overwhelming feelings. it is good. crying doesn't make you weak. if anything it makes you strong. strong people can share their emotions with others. be strong. don't be afraid. you are not the only one who has ever needed a shoulder. life is meant to make you cry. so go ahead. it's okay. cry if you have to.

small.

hello world. today i am happy. happy in a weird way. i look up at the stars and realize what a tiny part i am in this universe. one small soul in the midst of millions. but that makes me happy. there are nebulas and stars and galaxies, and my little soul is a part of that. that makes me happy. even though life can throw you black holes that seem to suck all the life out of you. that's the way it's supposed to be. and that makes me happy. that i am important enough to have feelings. that i matter, just me. my one soul in this gigantic universe. i matter to someone. and that is the happiest thing i could ever imagine.

new.

happy new years blog readers. we have officially found our selves in not just a new year but a new decade. a decade of change. go ahead make your resolutions, decide today to make a difference in the world. my resolution is to be a new person. the person i wish i had been all these years. a person that everyone can get along with and is content with who she is. new years brings new changes. embrace them now, so we can have a better looking tomorrow.

holidays.

merry christmas blog readers. tis the season to let people you know how much you care. so go ahead. tell somebody you love them. let somebody know they have had an impact on your life. it's never to late to have the christmas spirit and to share it with others. don't be afraid to love. because loving is probably in the top ten best feelings in the world. say what you feel today, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. share the love people. and remember to find the true meaning of christmas. tis the season for love. enjoy your holiday.

memories.

i remember when...
we first met in third grade.
we were both weird
and we became best friends.

i remember when...
you started home school
and i cried cause i missed you.
and when you came back
i ignored you.
because i was mad you left me.

i remember when...
i was sorry.
because i ignored you.
and so we made up.

i remember when...
we went sledding
and went over a big bump
and my glasses flew off and broke.
and i was going to kill
the boy that made that jump.

i remember when...
your dad fixed them for me
and we watched the
nutcracker.

i remember when...
we went to cotillion
and both looked like
princesses

i remember when...
we graduated sixth grade
and we made caps before
school at your house.

i remember when...
we started middle school
and we were both so scared
of growing up
and of new things.

i remember when...
we went our separate ways
and didn't see so much
of each other

i remember when...
i got hit by a car
and you laughed
cause you guessed it was me

i remember when...
you went to st. louis
and i didn't even know.

i remember when...
we decided to be best friends again
and how it happened
so nonchalantly in the halls.

i remember when...
we had adventures together
and we could have fun
being ourselves.

i remember when...
i got in a car accident
you were the first one at the scene
and you held my hand
until my mom could show up

i remember when...
we were at girls camp
and we made a pact
to stay friends forever.

i remember when...
i broke that pact because
i was jealous of your
new best friend.

i remember when...
you forgave me
for being so stupid.

i remember when...
you always made me brave
even when i was afraid.
and how you were
always a best friend to me
even when i was hard to deal with

i remember when...
you'll always be one of
the bestest best friends
i have ever had
and i love you.
forever.