know.

i need the world to know... that i, lya amber santa maria, love life. and it is so hard. it sucks so much sometimes. but i love my life and always will. even when i get impatient and want to be done. i love this life that god made just for me. i matter to god. and that is all i really care about.

ibuprofen.

i wish ibuprofen actually worked... just saying.

time.

time won't stop. time can't stop. even though i wish it would. life is complicated. life is hard. but time is cruel and moves on no matter what. i am growing up. everyday. every second i am a different person. i am changing. i don't want what i used to. i don't want what i used to. i don't. and time doesn't care. and moves on. it takes care of us that way. it lets us move forward and be different people. the people we want to be. give it time. cause sometimes that is all we really need.

i.

i want... for the truth to come out
even though it hurts.
not just me.
but others.

i am... the strongest girl
i never lie
because i want
trust.

i can't... seem to find the
words you need to
hear because
somewhere deep inside
i don't want to
say them.

even though i have to.

i am... an awful person
please just trust that.
please.
i hurt people.

so please
go.
before i hurt you
too.

notice.

i have a challenge. notice something nice about someone. maybe the way their eyes wrinkle when they smile. or maybe the way the strands in their eyes seem to glow in the sunshine. or notice the way their dimples show when they laugh. or the way their hair looks when it is tousled just so. notice the little things. the things that make people the way they are. i have three freckles that make a straight line on my right cheek. did you ever notice that? people love being noticed. make someones day... notice them.

broken song.

do you want to run away
from your problems?
and do you want to turn away
from this life that's done you wrong?

but everytime i do.
i see the faces
of the people i can't
let down

i know that i've got
to be strong for them
cause it kills me
to see them frown

so i put on a happy face
for the world
so they won't see
my tears.

and i put on a stupid act
for the world
so they'll think
that i've got no fears.

but i don't want to be
a broken
person anymore

and i don't want to have
to hide
from the people
that i adore.

i want to let you
i want to let you in
but i can't
no.

and it kills me.
it kills me
that i am broken
for you.

declaration.

declaration to the world. i am happy being single. i hate boys. and i am glad i am taking myself away from them. yes. i am making a pact with myself to always be happy. with or without the male species. yes. :) i am lya. and i don't lie.